Haiz...Sorry I cant attend...

Today is the day which my sister leave home and when outstation for study...
I am so sorry for it becoz i don have the chance to see her but that also good becoz to prevent getting more sad...I just come back home and my dad told me alot of thing when they were at airport...My dad don even turn over to face my sister becoz my dad know he will be very sad as well when i hear on it my tear from my eye are coming out now...
HAIZ...without her at home is just like our family lack of someone and the atmosphere are getting different...My dad had cry when she talk on phone wit my sister...I know the feeling becoz I haven call her and my feeling now are getting suffer and suffer...
I dono how to pronouns it out to u all...HAIZ>..
I really feel that uncomfortable wit it becoz everything come home normally will argue or we will chat between each other but now i feel like lacking one of the mouth in family already...My youngest sister which alway stick wit my sister were crying for the whole day...When i reach home , her face was so swallow becoz were keep crying..Till now 1 somthing AM she still not sleep becoz she to missing my sister and cant use to be wit... normally she will be wit my sister no matter at where....but now my sister at sabah , so no choice we have to use phone or skype to contact each other...hmmmm
I feel that i being this brother din do well my part, when she leave my was sleeping and the last word she told me that ' she leaving now , BYE BYE' . haiz...Flash back the situation I was like why i don wake up and wave wit her...hmmm I now was crying already...OMG !! May be I not use to be it...To bad that i cant see her for quite a long time...but nevermind, I will wait for her to come back and have dinner wit all of us...
hmm if I attend to send her flight , I think I will cry out loud , hmmm Never mind , I will be waiting her to come back... tomorrow morning I will makes a call to her and ask about her situation , today she reach there I din even give him a call that really ....... haiz... sorry...
I hope now on i will more realise on wat i wan to do and which way i wan to go....Hope I won be a useless man in the future...

Oh Goshzz..I have enough on it...

I been stop writing my blog for a long tim becoz I been keeping many many thing behind on it..I feel that I am very stressful . I get stress from homework and assignment and her... hmmm recently many thing has happen among us..( I don dare to say it out but just write it here) I think I have enough of it and I think I cant stand it anymore...I feel like I am carrying a big stone behind me...I feel that it was hard for me to carry on and walk the path I wan to go .I tell every true to her but she giving me a big reaction and I feel that she don understand my situation and the problem i am having now, may be she is still small don understand about our life and sufferness that we get from outside. Eveyone looking at me is like so happy but actually I am not happy at all and don feel any goods about it.I just feel tat I living among so many people are just like more on it.So everything I was trying my best to be on it. I try to best to achieve de best as I can , being a leader , being a responsible guy and much more... Trying to treat everyone nicely , exspecially her but she cant understand me and alway think that me are not that care and love... I dono why she is de next girl that makes me cry again..Am I that kind of stupid and loser or some rubbish that cannot be treat good or bad?? I have a short fight again becoz I am jealous on something again...I feel like not really that good and I was like...Oh gosh!! I hate it so much... I told her something that which are not tat good and I receive a message from her...Seeing tat message , My tears start to burst out , izit everything I need to join in some games that I have to cry ?? I am really really tired on it , I know is my wrong to let people misunderstood my goods and my feeling , but i no choice , I am trying on it... Hmmm I am so sorry to everyone which put afford on me and love me and I am TOTALLY sorry to someone I love and she love me...She should not be de one I should blame on and I am the one should be blame on it...I feel so sorrow on it...I just feeling like stop making any relationship becoz every time i put real afford on it then start to have many problem...may be I am to NAIVE to belive tat this world are exist with true love and good relationship...Only STUPId one will do so...hmmm 'TAN LENG KIAT' u are de one of the bastards and fucker which locate in this world with such a suck character that makes everyone feel bad and suffering from sadness...SORRY to someone who being hurt and THANKS to someone who hurt me... I really wan to say SORRY to SY becoz she is de one who let me hurts de most , Don ever blame urself and just blame on me... I not being a good guy , I don hope tat u being sad becoz of me , Thanks for caring and love...I will appreciate what in de past and being better for coming future...

After that , I think i will stop update my blog AND I will close de blog becoz it exist to much of sad and sorrow story...I feel that it meaningless to write it on here anymore..Everything should keep in my heart and let it stay inside forever...

DaY aNd NiGhT are turning fast for me....

This few day i was busying with my job , college and other thing la...
I start to feel frustated already...My job and my school assignment is enough problematic den here come one of de problem again...is from her...I dono wat i should or wat I can update here beside my feeling..I feel tat this is torturing me and I feel like beng to de wall..I work becoz of money and work like hell but other people was so relax and din even think about de source of money..I feel like i am getting more and more jealous who don have to work...
Recently at school it started to gave a lot of assignment by all de lecture and almost every week i skip at least 3 classes...Oh dear...how man...I will feel tat is much more stress and pressure to me if i keep on skip my classes..
Past few day many thing and sad feeling has come upon to me and i feel tat i was like going to burstin out all my tear which stay wit me long time ago...I feel tat I like cant breath at all and get stuck in any way...i dono why other people don understand me and liek keep on pushing me toward de sea even she is de same...
Today my lecture ask me to write a journal for him and I wrote a jornal entitle with 'I cant manage my own timetable' I write out every of my problem about managing my own time..I this few week are getting in a lot of trouble becoz my time are getting lesser and lesser...I going stop all my entertainment and concentrate on my study and my work...my relationship I also dono which path are we going now also I dono wat we can do so tat we can keep on our relationship...May be i am not de right choice for u..i am totally disappointed u on it ...Sorry for tat..I cant serve u well at all... I don have de time wit u and my ex have de same complaint too...sorry for not being a good one...I dono wat will happen to us next day but wat I wan to say is i had already trying my BEST but if u wanted to fly away from me is okay..i will accept and I know wat reason i should give to myself... sory for making someone dissappointed and miserable waiting for de whole day..I dono whereever de word and de feeling i write here will hurt u or not but i hope so...no effect will bring to us...I also dono wat i am writing here but I hope , I hope , De future day we are going are getting more and more brighter... sorry for any inconvient and i hope no body get hurt on it...many much more feeling i had feel but i don wish to write here becoz is not neccessary to wrote it out....


Thanks and regards
kidz