KiTz

so long long long story...

2010-06-28T00:47:00.000+08:00

Wao~~~
it been a long time i din update my blog liao lo~~~~
Hmmm recently really may be very busy jor me..
so i just like just can online and see my facebook
and din even touch out my blog..
Seeing i write blog mean that something really bad has happen upon me..
Yea~~ u are right ,
I really have something unhappy has happen a..
But i just don feel like mention it out what is about..
Coz I know , there are a repitation keep on happen
if everyone of us still remain the same attitude and thinking...
HAIZ~~~~
long time din mention this word..
may be really busy till forget...
Recently really busy until everything happen also cant rmb..
I start to stop drink less cold thing already..
I even start to drink hot tea~~
I know recently my healthy are getting worse
N come wit that , I think I am getting some problem in my internal..
Not going for medical check up but look after my eat attitude..
I start to stop eat late and even supper...
I know that i am fat and is time to keep fit..
Previously I have gamble and lose some money..
and from there , I am wake up because gamble are not good..
I already stop gamble and not even care about wat happening...
wat am I right now?
I am changing myself toward all the previously bad attitude...
ya , i start to belive ppl say..
U need something u need to scrafice something...
hmmm , i just read one of my fb fren wall..
she write "If you love something, set it free,
if it comes back to you,
it is yours,
if it doesn't it never was.
(如果你真的喜欢什么，
给他自由吧。
如果他回到你的身边，
他就是
你的了，如果他没有回来，

他也永远不是你的了)♥ "

Ya i also wish I can do so..

but it remind one of my pass..

I don even care her single matter..

but end up , she left without telling me anything

and she wit other guys..

Oh that really hurt deeply in my heart..

What i was doing now is a precaution to myself and my partner..

I don wan have repeatation after it...

May be she really don understand ,

but Wat I can do..

I cant blame and say anything..

becoz everything is go through understanding..

I also don wan to write much..

I know when someone really know about it..

is waken up , den everything will be a solution...

I really tired to argue or to say anything.

hope the understanding day will come..

don really hope that what we will regret toward our own choice..

coz of some matter..

She alway say nothing to talk and dono..

is that mean communication between us??

she alway say i don care her feeling or any matter??

but is she understanding about me and herself???

hmmm~~~~ now say wat also no use...

because , the problem is out ..

and We have nothing to talk until someone willing to step out..

who is it?? i dono ..

I just wan her to understand the situation ,

or she is the one to do something ...

even she dare to call me and scold and slam and end up apologies..

i think , there are a solution to keep going..

but everyone said , she is a stone and me is a stone..

I think there won have any thing to continue is remain in silence..

"In a relationship , if keep on Remain silence it just end up wit nothing.."

By kit Tan..

haiz , why this happen..

2010-06-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

Just now finish having BBQ at colleague house..

haiz , something unhappy happens again...

I call her and we have a small chat..

suddenly she tell me something and make me very moody..

I not angry because of she cant ,

but I just angry myself why I was so excited and focus on it..

I feel that very miserable..

is just like , i was being bring up the sky ,

and suddenly fall down on the floor...

Haiz~~~

How come it alway happen..

She told me and say I am not giving her personal time..

I was like get shock ,

how come a gf will tell her bf this kind of matter..

Being a couple should be alway together , company each other

love , care and so on right..

but lastly she tell me all this is shouldnot happen..

It make myself more emotional..

I feel that , Haiz~~~~

I also no comment on it anymore...

MY heart suddenly feel sour and pain..

What I aspect my gf will give me is all this..

I am lonely and boring staying outside alone..

every night cant sleep well ,

and I wish the next day in the morning the one I wish to see is

HER~~~

But she told me all those stuff..

Everything I wish her to do and wan her to be,

is really hard and just like forcing her to do..

I now only know , she don wan all this...

My heart feel painful again~~~

Previously she had problem wit her family..

She is lonely ..

I din throw her aside and keep company her..

she fight wit her sister , I an wei her and take care her...

she hungry that time i company her go eat and stay wit her..

go find her a night and talk to her everynight and make her sleep..

But

Once she is recover wit her family~~~

I feel like I am out of it anymore...

My heart start to pain again~~~

She told me she need time to company her family...

she need to do hers things~~~~

but did she think of my feeling???

did she thing of company me??

did she thing of , when she need me ,

I throw off all my things and company her...

Haiz~~~

Tonight , totally moody~~~~

I also dono wat to say to myself to make myself feel better..

My heart feel so sour and I wish to cry...

my room just left me ,

No one hear wat I say ,

no one give me opinion ,

no one ask about me~~

Having nothing because she is not here and need others more than me..

Dono why , I start to lost my happiness , start to lost everything..

I wish she more understand..

because , I had no one to communicate...

If she keep on ..

I feel like silence myself aside ,

and keep quite forever~~~~~

she won ever understand me and known me well~~

I am tired but not sleepy~~

I have to force myself to sleep..

good nitez~~

/-\ hmmm /-\

2010-05-22T09:57:00.000+08:00

In the world , there are many people don understand about their relation..
sometime they could misunderstanding and start argue...
One of it is me myself...
I know that I have some bad attitude..
Sometime could even misunderstanding..
but actually I just caring..
Everything is new stages for me to change..
but is needed some times to do so..
I slowly and getting know about it..
giving way is something we can maintain the relation..
understand and try to give way..
many people would say that ,
my gf is new and dono anything ,
but I willing to teach her about everything..
We have the same attitude ,
but sometime we tolerate each other..
I know that I did wrong something could make her very angry..
but after that , I would apologize that I am wrong..
but why cant She just forgive..
sometimes she make me gone mad ,
but just easily I forgive ,
not becoz I not angry ,
is just because I don wan have conflict ,
and we can be more happily..
argument is something got for future ,
but there are many bad effect below on it..
I did drop her image in her fren once..
but that time I also wish I won do that..
just the one time ,
she judge my future..
I don even dare to talk in future or past anymore
because there are many sad and sorrow stuff..
I just wanted to happily and nicely pass my life..
cant just everything pass smoothly??
freedom is starting to giving..
slowly slowly give...becoz I know I try my best..
hope it understand my feeling and what i am doing actually..
I don wan argue and fight anymore..
make everyone life so miserable...

Relax myself...

2010-05-12T02:07:00.000+08:00

Hmm...
i think i should stop writing the story down..
becoz I would influence someone..
Just talk over only...
yesterday I din upload becoz of busy..hehe
have tea wit colleague , den go night club see girl sing song
den chit chat...
I knew a girl there can 'le le'...
She is from china..
I was shy tat time when she wanted to talk to me..
but lastly we turn up be fren..
I talk alot about my love story to her
and she told me a lot about her family and hometown..
She seen sad when she talk about her stuff..
Sorry I din mean to ask all those..
I ask her why she wan to do such job ,
she told me that ,
when someone needs money , no matter wat job ,
someone have to do as well...
Hmmm they are quite pity as well..
but nothing I can do , just have a cheer of beer ,
and wish her good luck...
When the time I reach home..
Is already 4 am...
OMG~~~
What happen to me.. am I mad of it..hehe
hang till so late..
so bad that I let my mom wait me..
When I enter the house , she when out and ask me..
Why so late !! sorry mom..
I though u all slept, sorry...hehe
__________________________________________
So funny thing happen...
Once of my colleague know me is single ,
and one of my ex know me is single..
What they told me is something make me suprise..hehe
They say how come ,
Ur gf look so guai lui and Ting hua de...
WOn do this de lo.. Is it u fly people..hehe
I just laugh back and say nothing la...
Everything will be fine..
but everything is end already..hehe
She is good , guai ad ting hua de a..
everyone is right , just I am not the one only ma..hehe
I have curiousity and naughty de..hehe
But ,
all this is past lo..
Don really put in heart la..
She will have better and be more better..
She is much more better den wat I think of her..
hehe..
All the best to her again lo..
Feel better saying out something ,
but feel more better is she know wat I am saying..hehe
_________________________________________
Today , is a busy day...
and all the time are busy..
happy , emo and funky..hehe
have tea wit my bro ...
Dono why suddenly feel need love and need someone to care..
need someone to scold and say me...
but , don have lo..
so scold myself..hehe
sei chun~~~~ hahahahaha
Aright ,
tomorrow will be my holiday..
I will going to Langkawi now...
Wait for me ya..
Have to fetch my fren ,
go to office send up everything ,
reach home get my stuff ready..
and go for it..yeah~~~~~
I love holiday I love sea
I love girl I love joy
and most important
I Love SUN~~~~
I will be the sunny boy there..hehe
All night craping only at here...haha
Good nitez and sweet dream..

putting her down day 4

2010-05-10T01:11:00.000+08:00

Today already the forth day..
N is mothers day...
I am going to treat my mom and family eat..
OMG~~~
They eat up me Rm180 ..
but is okay la...
Just once awhile only... so let it be ba..
Everyone is so happy and talk a lot..
So long we din communicate already..
today is my 'family day'...
muahahahahaha..
My mom suddenly ask me a very tough question..
She ask me ,
Am I serious with that girl???
I was like , OMG~~~
Mom , how come u will ask this kind of question..
Den ask me show her...
but I think my mom start to like her..
previously my mom don even ask and keep disagree
me to dating..
cant imagine she will say such thing to me today..
I was very happy my mom have accept her..
But..
1 thing very important I din say to them..
We are separated since the last time she visit my house..
I don wan to tell them becoz I don wan them to worried me..
My mom love me a lot
and care me a lot..
I don wan her becoz of my matter ,
it effect her and need her to take care me..
I just have to keep in my heart ...
I just keep quite only..hehe
Just now at outside..
chat wit my neighbor which is my college mate as well..
We talk about rent house ,
go out know fren and about our love story..
Although I don have ,
but I can share some of my previous one..
He even told me a lot of his gf stuff..
I am bit jealous jor...hehe
Her gf is good to her..
pretty as well and nice..
he is a lucky boy man...hehe
Even wit that ,
Previously my love one even good to me,
pretty and beauty to me..
I even feel statify of having her..
but many thing is not up to my choice..
just stand behind and see everything lo...
Heard a song today..
is nice..
sang by

梁文音

'哭過就好了'

Is really nice~~~
one part in the MV told me is totally touching..
it recall me deeply in toward her..
she alway don say no , not because she don wan ,
Is because she love me.
she don angry not because she don have angriness,
is because she love me .
she don cry in front of me not because she don have tears,
is because she she love me and don wan me to worried..
Once I saw and recall it...
I remember the time she cry in front of me ,
and all that she do it to me..
My heart was deeply sour right now..
and I should sleep ...
good nitez...

putting her down day 3

2010-05-09T01:39:00.000+08:00

Today ,
wake up in the morning and go to work..
Though should be a exciting place for me to travel,
but actually not..
Have dim sum at connaught den go straight to klang..
hehe~~~
When the time reach there is totally lame and boring...
No customer at all..hurm~~~
just have gathering and talks about ghost story..
den go shopping when the event ends...
I bought CROCS shoe and some small stuff..
Is wearing to langkawi soon..hehe
____________________________________________
Hmmm , today still remaining the same feeling again..
At the event that time ,
have a small chat wit shito..
Hurmm~~~ is some interesting story
and bout his love story..
Is totally nice and sweet..
Jealousy man...
Just now have tea wit brothers..
Tension and stress again...
after tea , I at parking talk a lot wit jack..
He really lend me his ear,
even an wei me as well..
Thanks..
I even causes her have a bit conflict wit his gf,
becoz his gf call him and wan to talk to him becoz she is down.
opps~~~ me cause him in trouble..
hurm , tells him everything which happen upon me..
dono why the feeling cannot being throw away..
The more I wan to throw , the more is stay harder..
Is deeply and full force on focusing her ,
so the feel is there...
every time I hold the phone ,
I was like wanted to call or wait to receive a call..
but is never rang..
Dono why ,
I still will jealous on certain matter..
cant just look it over..
she seen like wrote a lot of thing towards me...
That show may be I have did something wrong again...
May be I am a hard and she is hard too..
when we bang together..
is hurting each of us..
May be I am not as good as others,
but I wish one day she could understand..
dono why , suddenly feel that I would like to wishing her..
Even support on her work and everything..
Actually what I wanted to put down is actually nothing..
seeing her so happy can go out gathering wit fren ,
seeing her business is good ,
seeing her shop wit fren and plan to hanging out,
I was like totally happy on her as long she happy..
Dono why , I don feel like rejecting or unhappy anymore..
and dono why I feel she will know what she is doing..
Dono why I feel that she will take care herself from that moment..
Now , i alway feel afraid I will do or say wrong things..
So I will thinking deeply first before it..
Some times saw she like facing some problem,
I would send her a message and tell her,
there are someone behind her which care and support..
even though is nothing to her , but it mean a lot to me..
may be she really decide to leave me alone,
but I still there look after her..
Is she as hard as a stone just leave me aside..
don even send or call me..
Is really a hard feeling ,
but I know , I have to accept
and respect on her..
Although every time feel like putting down ,
but is really really something which challenge me..
I am afraid , this will stay wit me more and more...
Good Nitez and sweet dream...

Putting her down day 2

2010-05-08T01:15:00.002+08:00

today wake up at 9 10 am,
i am totally tired because last night sleep at 3 something..
hmmm is a tired day..
I went to klang to set up counter..
den I do my own stuff..
____________________________________________
today still remain the same feeling..
Toward myself..
still will boring and moody life..
Dono why nowadays everything are keep on changing..
I don dare to care about any personal stuff
or even control or 8 about others..
hmmm
Something recall me back again..
This morning I wit colleague when to eat breakfast..
They order a bow of red bean soup..
RED BEAN soup remind me something back..
Once ,
I was argue wit her at the car about something..
She was upset and feel like crying...
she told me she wan to drink red bean den the she will happy..
That moment I was lying her that don have.
but what I am doing is think where are selling..
All the way we keep quite..
Till I reach Taman Midah , There are selling red bean soup..
She ask me what i am doing ,
at first I don wan to tell , but lastly I told her..
She was totally happy and laugh wit joy..
My feeling was so happy and happy..
but there are no such chances anymore..
At the evening..
Jessie ask me to go Kim Gary..
it recall back something again..
It was the time she date me out to shopping,
that she wanted to buy shoe and shirt..
We have lunch at Kim Gary as well..
I remember she order a set of cheese rice,
fries and coke wit lemon...
She cant finish the food , and told me not to let her order next time..
I was keep smiling when I recall it back..
She like to wasted food ,
but the way she tell me are totally funny and lovely..
It remind me the way she eat ,
the way she react ,
and the thing we discuss..
hmmm ~~~
but all this are turning to memoris..
Dono why , every time I went to a place that
we went before it alway remind me something...
no matter where I go , no matter where I am..
there are a lot of memoris came along..
The day I work at Ikano ,
when I go toward Cineleisure ,
Is the place we first hold hand together and snap photo..
anywhere anytime , there are something around me..
Even at office , it remind me call her constantly..
Hurm~~~~
Wanted to put down something is not as easy as I think..
wan someone happy is not as easy as I wan..
There are many things which I don accept ,
but I have to accept it..
I heard 2 something in a time...
没那么简单 and 外面的世界..
The first song alway tell me ,
everything is not as easy as we alway thinks..
just like the first time we together ,
the first time we were separate ,
the second time we together,
the second time we separate,
the third time we together,
and then third time we separate..
all are the path way we have been together..
second song told me about ,
once we have each other..
and
When 1 day she really understand the world outside ,
den she really will understand me more than now..
I not mature as I am ,
but I am as caring as someone parent...
The world are colorful ,
the world have many things,
but when she have seen everything ,
the time she wan to return ,
I will the one which waiting her return ,
and come back toward me..
Is may be a long path for us right now..
or may be there are no such way anymore..
The feeling is here , the available of me are here...
The door are alway waiting for her..
Good nitez..

Putting her down day 1

2010-05-07T03:05:00.000+08:00

today ,
consider the first thing I put it down..
Previously is something which it never happen on me..
but it really come true..
I don have choice to choose anymore
and just have to follow the answer to flow..
Is really a tough job for me...
but
many thing is really cannot being force..
Tis morning i wake up at 9 30..
Oh man.. is really a lame day for me..
i last night slept at 3..
but dono why I don feel tired today..
this 2 day don feel hungry don feel like eating..
My weight is dropping..
is emotional and dono why suddenly I will feel very tension..
Something which is wit me and has leave..
I feel that ,
wat important situation , I dono wanted to tell who..
i lost my receiver station..
No one hear me and understand me..
even no one are giving me advice and scold me..
Hmmmm
but what I being told is ,
leave her alone , look for others
don waste my time and not valuable to wait..
is this the hint I get???
but is time to let someone out the world..
chasing someone is easy,
but wan to have a true feeling and love is hard..
but wat really hard is to forget someone
and throw away the feeling which I built it difficultly..
Just try my best to make she happy and myself happy..
let her go and put down the feeling I had..
Something which she already decide ,
what I explain what I do is nothing to her..
I no where to write out all this ,
but just here..
putting down her will be my title..
_______________________________________________
Just now say she written she is very tension..
I don dare to ask and I don have the right to ask..
Just let her know , I am standing opposite to look after her..
I won disturb her , but the worried are all the way to me..
I have no choice to send her a message ,
hope she feel better and can sleep well..
good nitez to her and good nitez to me..
This coming few day before I enter my paradise,
I will be absolutely busy..
Good luck to my work and hope she is fine..

Get it~~~~

2010-05-06T19:06:00.000+08:00

Alright ,
many thing really has happen
and something has really make it clear...
There are no more turning point and should be no regret among us..
The discussion is very clear and the answer I really accept it..
Thank you open my thinking
and sorry for the past..hehe
^^
Previously keep on think that ,
As long don give up , there are chance or way to solve it..
but really sometime something really cannot being force one..
so it the good end here and just keep the memoris in my box..
all the photo and memoris I will write it out and wash it..
keep it nicely in my secret box as a good memoris for me...
______________________________________________________
Yesterday not a good day for me becoz it make me feel unhappy..
but thanks to some brother company me go watch Iron man 2...haha
err is normal only ba...
den yam cha at a old town...muahaha.. crap alot there..
Oh~~~
wuwuwu previously no people company me watch IP Man 2 le..
but today , my boss and colleague company me watch..
really nice la them ..
Hmm this few day work hard sin..
coming sat I will be at klang lo..
got roadshow there..
go so far wo... must tired ,but no choice ,
I just wan to earn money n nothing else..
_______________________________________________
Wao coming wed ,
I will be at Langkawi..
muahahaha... previously is dating paradise ,
but no change to happy paradise...
is time to let me be the sunshine boy there...
I will go swim even i dono swim..
wan me die den die la..muahahahaha..
Go there L ying..muahahaha..
I will divert all my things and play till gao gao..
Bring all my money spend over there..
Don ever being so stingy already...
I love YOU my lovely paradise langkawi beach..
Let rock it up babe~~~~
See u soon and hope is a nice,enjoy and funky trip..
GoGoGo..
I cant wait to go for my trip...muahahaha...

hope U understand~~~

2010-05-05T02:36:00.000+08:00

I will remember 3/4/2010
This is the day which I being left out...
this is the day which I cant forget
this is the day which make we have to move on my life...
Previous many thing I dono about her..
She don tell ,
SO i totally dono what she want..
I though what I feel that is , is the way she wan
but actually not.
She is good to me ,
give me the priority to give opinion,
follow what I say and What I wan..
never complaint or angry...
but actually she has comment and don likes certain matter...
She still remain silence and just take it..
When I realise all this problem that time
when I wan to know and change tat time..
I think is to late...
Hmmm she lastly choose to leave me..
I wanted to recover ,
but may she really don wan already..
I now only start to know that she is a girl which are like a bird..
wanted to fly out and see the world..
many things she dono and don understand..
From beginning I am wrong becoz
she is living among her fren and family and don even know about outside..
I make a wrong decision to tie up her from beginning..
I should let her do what she wan and let her be..
I am not supportive enough for me..
I feel that I am deeply jealous and own opinion..
Now ,
I don wish to say anything becoz I know ,
if we are fated to be together ,
we will meet up one day..
Now is time to let her go out and meet up the world..
let her know how is the world outside,
and not just staying and dono anything..
from that moment I am awake ,
I should alway support her , no matter what..
All the best to her business , work ,
take care herself when I am not there...
Don get hurt or injuries , don stay up late..
drink more water and rest more..
don over stress and be happy always..
I will be the one standing opposite look after (YOU)~~~
Nothing can do and nothing can say..
just let each of us have a chance to rest and keep on moving..
One thing I wanted to say is...
I previous don really understand her ,
but now I do...
i totally trust her from beginning till end
but just worried only..
May be is really to late to say sorry,
but I have to do so...(sorry)
I did wrong..
I wan to thanks her a lot lot lot~~
becoz previously she really take care me a lot..
give me be the chooser ,
be the one to control and handle..
understand me stay wit me and look after me...
Thank you very much...
wish u all the best and safe all the time..
To my lovely Careo Soh Hooi Voon..
U will always on my heart~~~
Hope one day we can meet up again together..
good Nitez
Listed on (5/5/2010 2.35am)

What is it...

2010-05-03T00:12:00.001+08:00

Saw somethin which I don feel to read and saw..
The thing I worried lastly come along...
Wat she write is totally hurt..
Even the problm I worried is go clubbing..
the guy is started to ask..
Is it next time I argue than she will go wit him?
I just now at library talk wit some colleague..
they tell me alot and counsel me alot..
Thanks shito , jerry and ricky..
u guys teach me alot and tell me alot
exspecially shito..
thanks you really really so much
and make me more understand..
I feel that sometime I am wrong ,
so I know i should do is apologise..
when I do so ,
she reply..
I am totally happy ,
but when I at home i read her blog..
She is totally make me feel sad and get hurt..
am I not loving her??
is tat funny enough..
If i am not ,
should i care how and I look back for her..
Omg this making me crazy...
actually the problem
is the way she talk make me feel very unhappy and angry
so avoid from argument i cut her line..
write those thing to me..
what she wan me to do..
I call her and ask but she tell me is her feeling words
what is this , If i wan to do this kind ,
i already tell out everything and tell to everyone la..
I care how she feel and think of her..
but she is writing this kind of blog at there..
haiz..
I really feel that what I did is all wrong??
or U don wan me care at all...
I really dono wat u thinking at all..
still can so cool talking to me..
what u wan from me anymore?
I already nicely talk to u...
u wan how o??
haiz...
I am sick already right now..
still at there waiting...
what can I do now?? hmmmm
just wait~~~~~

Hurm~~ can it be solve?

2010-05-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Recently many things happen again..
OMG~~~~
I am stress toward my work and my relationship..
Hmmm...
Some time does she really understand me..
Alright , last night have a conflict again..
Oh gosh ,
I am tired wit my work , stress and everything
but cant she just entertain me?
Alright , something has past and settle just let it be..
hope she really get what I tell her on 30/4/2010..
Just now have something again..
I let her have tea wit fren and meet up..
but she till now also don get that I don like
she go out wit guy...
cant she just understand it...
I tell her how I feel all that,
but she just like feel is fine for her..
Haiz...
I don like the feeling at all that she alway mention guys name..
I am jealous but she still wan to do so..
alway tell me have a girl company while going den at last tell me no..
the girl is not coming along..
I was like.. cant u think of my feeling pls..
How do u feel is I do that to u..
I go out wit a girl ....
What would u think about me..
just now , I was nicely talk to her ,
but she not happy and answer back me..
I was totally down and just forget it...
u enjoy up wit that fren ba..
I feel like not to care or just ignore it..
She dono wat I am feeling at all..
Just forget it la...
She won change or understand me ,
if she still remain on what she wan den she will do..
I am tired to tell out my feeling or how i think anymore..
I feel that I would bored and lazy to say it already..
repeat and repeat...
She wan to do so I have no right...
feeling is on me and not on her...
she won know how does it feel
till I did and she tries it..
I don wish it will happen one day ,
but if she keep on do so ,
I am afraid ,
I will take my responsibility to do what I wan
without thinking about her feeling..
previously I avoid this and that ,
I care and understand her ,
becoz I wan she to know i respect and care her feeling..
I don hope the day Would come upon to us..

Is has bad feeling toward it...

2010-04-23T21:13:00.001+08:00

Hmmm recently many things happen..
Many small argument or fight..
becoz of certain den we can start to fight..
I try to avoid and be what I can ,
but is still problem there...
Last night had a argument..
She lastly post up wat I say toward her..
Hurm~~~
She scold me before on what I write in previous ,
but she end up post as well..
I feel that I am moody and sad ...
I feel sorry toward her
but
she start to ignore it..
her blog even written that,
cant 2 group out..
either me or them..
I feel that ,
is that what my gf should said??
Haiz..Just feel different and dislike..
today fight again about a phone..
some time she din really think about me..
We be dated for tomorrow dates,
but
she suddenly told me she could
FFK me and go for her blackberry phone..
I was freaking upset and I don feel good..
Is that phone are much more important than our date??
she may be dono tomorrow is 24 of april..
the 4 month we are being together..
Did she ever feel what is my feeling and thinking..
hurm!!!
is she so forgetful , or don't about it??
Haiz , I feel freaking sad now...
why she keep on forget think of my behalf..
what I did is wrong???
What I think for her is wrong??
or I shouldn't do all this to her???
I am alway ready be wit her when she had problem and sad,
but she din even tell me and don wan to share wit me..
Am I so no value to share wit??
Or am I not the person should ask and know??
Hmmm...
I am there alway so that she won being left out ,
but I think what is extra..
she have her family and fren..
may be doesn't need me..
can she just simply and easy toward me....
I am blank and no idea about what is going on...
I don dare to ask becoz , I got scolded just now..
I dono wat is it , and she just cut off my line..
Is already twice she doing that..
yea , she have the right to do so...
I cant say anything even though i am sad n dislike it...
fine!~ I don wish to get more upset...
just calm down myself and sit alone at my room...
remain the silence~~~~

U don understand Or I don get it??

2010-04-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

Sometime feel that there are many thing I will miswrap..

She or me dono wat we wan

I am creating problem??

I start to feel that some time we are totally blur

wat is happen toward a situation..

OH man...

Am I to stress or am I mad???

I dono why I some time feel she

doesnt care or take it seriously

but sometime she tell me , she do so...

So wat actually is going on?

She don understand or I don understand??

haiz..

everytime when dicussing ,

then she left , becoz is a fucking timing..

tat is mid night when wan to sleep....

take it easy bro ,

I know I could be better becoz I must keep improve..

so work hard and time to sleep..

good nitez...

lazy to argue or discuss..

just let it be~~~~~

Is tired and annoying...

2010-04-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

So damn long I din update..
and now is time..
hehe
Working for 2 week more..
I found out tat work as sales for credit card is not easy...
I don get much sales nowadays..
Is tough le..Hmmm
I am so so tired and stress nowaday..
exam is around the corner and start getting more stress...
not only study , my usage on money are much too..
I have to save up and learn to more saving jor..
__________________________________________
Hmmm recently many things start happen..
although there are lot of space to improve,
but dono why I keep of angry of myself..
I will start to fat lan za toward myself...
I don really can stand much..
hmmm...
Finally argument slowly come ...
I actually can stand it but is to over...
the same problem came again..
alway say different thing and do different things again..
I feel tat u should be more responsible de ma..
Don alway like play har play har and dono wat happening..
Sometime is to over jor...
think the effect and causes ma...hmmm
Not I wanted to scold ,
but pls be responsible on wat u are talking about...
don be tat kind of bad attitude...
i know u wan freedom , i ok wit that
but u also have to know wat to do and how to do...
don alway wan ppl remind or say...
Okay...i did extra work and lebih..
care u and worried u is wrong one...
i shouldnt do that...
I am lebih jor...
sorry lo.. okay..from today onward,
u like wat , how or anything I also won care...
that is.. i no comment and speechless...

cannot being force but can try....

2010-03-31T01:12:00.000+08:00

this morning have a morning class..
hmmm so tired la man...hehe
After class went to gym..
Not having a good sleep becoz think alot of thing..
hmmm why do so le..
At gym there i have learn something from my fren..
knowing tat there are many thing cannot be do at one time..
need time and do it slowly..
same as myself being a person..
i know there are many thing have changes...
i need to try more hard lo..
it take times too..
so everything have to follow orders lo..haha
Today many thing has happen..
I go work , get one sales ,
meet up my ex boss and talk something..
den when to T.S...
wao...
She is there wo...haha
so just join up and have a short walk together..
urm... let me knew something new again..
i know tat i grow up again...
many thing I seen is totally different..
I now start to do observation den only decide wat to say and do...
Although I am joke but I joke it properly..
I make some fren tat is my colleague..
they are so nice ,
so I feel happy to work wit them..
although there are coming from different character and style,
but I know ,
everything I also can suit and learn..
I don wan like last time doing nothing and know nothing..
I getting grow up ,
I am 19 but I have 21 thinking..
be truth to everyone and don ask for good back..
Tat my thinking now..
I wan to show everyone and U ,
I am different since i am awake...
So tomorrow after work , go get sales
and start work..
GoGoGo~~~~ I must work hard on it..
Money money money...
Thurs let go club..
Let me rock the club life again...hehe

mixture stories~~~~

2010-03-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

Today wake up early in the morning..hehe
Get prepare to college and work...
hmmm dono why she meet up me just like stranger..
so let me make the better solve..
have dinner at night...hehe
afternoon rushing to bank and meet customer..
work at sales really not easy..hmmm
At night yam cha wit them..
Oh everything is change...
although we are not couple ,
but we still enjoy happiness like last time..
I not holding her hand becoz I am not her bf,
but I still care like a bf should do...
may be people will laugh me stupid ,
but I know , I still remain the same currently...
talk and joke like previous but different status..
We all plan to go a trip even...hehe
_____________________________________

After many incident..
I really know tat , changing myself not easy...
same to last time I change her..
but I slowly wanted myself to better..
start to concern more and understand before i said..
Think before I talk and change myself to more polite..
Don stop someone which they wan to do beside bad stuff..
Working at bank make my attitude change..
Wearing formal even show myself are different status..
so I have to be better..
Nowaday she look strange already..
attitude totally change...
may be she also grow up already..
but playful also...hehe
Plan to go club again wit all fren..
this time is classmate..
She tell me about one guy..
Oh~~~
I know it...
may be is something or nothing..
but I don wish to know becoz I will jealous..
I cant stand it , tat why i will keep divert..
but is useless , becoz it remain in my mind..
It upset but nothing I can do..
For her happiness ,
I can just give her my best blessing..
becoz may be I am not the one she need ,
or I am the one which hurt her de most...
I know there are no changes or chances anymore..
U just wan happiness and enjoyment wit her..
She is alway in my mind...
Once I lost something very precious to me ,
I really regret , but I won lost it if I have it one day..
Just enjoy the day we have and kept the happy moment
we have~~~
There is more than enough...
I don dare to request more...

I get it~~~~I really get it...

2010-03-28T15:41:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...
Last night I been waiting the all night long..
I am too lebih jor...
worried so much and care so much..
wait till i cant stand it den just like tat...
it end up wit nothing..
no mean no...
cannot being force..
I thought there is chance
but actually is no...
I still wait...
Now really everything makes clear..
She still like tat think me
den I have to just accept lo..
Everyone in the world can think me din do anything..
But I really change and did it..
but she lastly think me still the same..
she say something which really make me feel tat..
okay!!
That fine..
end up like that , why still wan to think of it...
Just keep for myself...
try to recover and love but is fail..
muahahahaahha..
so damn fish lo...
enough already , I have to wake up and see the fact..
I now still young..
Many thing I still dono and don understand..
Tired on it le la..
it lame man..hohohoho...
ok la.. enough jor la..
stop loving and caring..
is time to let us do our own activity..
sad while but getting better ,
feeling crying but not doing at all..
wat to do is just be myself lo..
don " jaga tepi kain orang lain " jor..
I think of moving to PV3 ..
current room have some memoris
so have to forget it...hehe
it time to delete all the message ,
picture and memoris...
don wan to have a regret chances..hehe
______________________________________
Something I had read is interesting..
男生永远不懂，为什么女生会那么的依赖你，那是因为她把你当做她的唯一，最信赖的人。男生永远不懂，为什么女生在你不给她打电话的时候会很生气，因为她想要听到你的声音，感觉你的疼爱。男生永远不懂，女生为什么会爱生气，因为她只是想要你来哄她，回味你们之间的温存。男生永远不懂，女生怎么那么爱吃醋，那是因为她爱你，而容不下一点你给其他女生的任何一点温柔。男生永远不懂，为什么女生爱唠叨让你少抽烟，少喝酒，女生也知道那不可能，但是她担心你的身体。男生永远不懂，女生怎么那么多的眼泪，那是因为她将所有的委屈都化做泪水，而把所有的温柔都留给你。男生永远不懂，女生愿意为你东奔西跑、为你做很多事，只是因为爱...
Last time I dono , but now I know..
yuan lai previous got someone do this to me before ,
but I din appreciate... and it gone..
if there is someone doing the same to me ,
I think i will more more appreciate..
Current status : single but not available..
muahahahahhahaha....
lastly , I wish to thank to many of my fren...
Really thank you coz caring me so much ,
concern and help me alot...
Dono how to thanks but just written it here..
Even to my ex gf...
Thank you for doing so much ,
I dono how to apprecaite it previous ,
but now I understand ..
some word I din say before an admit,
but now I would say ,
I am sorry and thank you very much..

2 am...still nothing...

2010-03-28T02:05:00.001+08:00

Is already 2 am..
I still not yet sleep...
hmm...
waiting someone to return call or sms..
is worried there ,
but nothing can do just wait..
just hope she fine and safe..
I feel like sleeping jor..
oh gosh..
so tired...
hmm... is she fine at there???
hahahahaha..
okay de la...
just wait her reply den I go sleep ...
Am I right???
Just wait here...
My phone got rang but not from her...
Quite missing and worried...
Normally should be end de ba~~~
hmmmm!!
Don worried.. she will be fine ,
trust on her...hahahahahaha
Yesterday wait me till 3..
Same as me for today..
wat she do is to much..
I have to repay..
Although is nothing between us..
but
I understand myself..

Don repeat the same .....

2010-03-27T18:31:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...
lastly also know jor de luu..
Although everything is settle and understand..
but is totally different..
Everything has change and is look different..
last night ,
I went to clubbling...
At there I dance for quite long and I saw many things
and experience many thing I din realise which can put in dating line..
I know one thing is trust..
But
althought know this is no use becoz is to late..
how hard how tough i work on it ,
It also no use at all..
becoz
She know I know...
I din write here becoz is T and C..
Hmmm...
I use to care and concern ,
not becoz is something i usually do ,
is becoz the feeling is still there..
missing , care , love , understand and trust..
but even know last 2 day I realise also now use..
everything come to late...
I din blame anyone or say any others
becoz I did it wrong on before...
I apologize becoz I know I wrong..
I cant be forgive becoz is reasonable..
Know the cause and effect is good
but have to scarifice something lo...
so from now on have to work hard lo...
study and work ...GoGoGo~~~
dating the thing...let it be ba..
when there are fate , it will meet the end..haha
____________________________________
today first day on ground training...
wah is a tough job for me , but i know one thing..hehe
Is challenging but I like it...
Today I get 3 platinum customer..
hmmm dono it approve or not,
but feel happy becoz got sales la..
don wan request much , try my best den can..
I know if try my best , I can get alot!!
LMao!!!!!....
thanks to jerry giving such good work..
I wil work hard..
I receive a call from Citibank..
Wao~~~~
Ask to go work wo..
but to bad la...
I already work at UOB bank..
hmmm Work longer and see first ba..hehe
Good luck in work and coming exam..
got to study lo...hehehehehe

Doom already...

2010-03-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

Today is a very sad day for me..
many thing has really happen...
I feel very suffer this whole day..
Lastly at the afternoon we have discussion..
Yes I know ,
I know the ending..
How much i say is already turn to history jor..
cannot recover already...
I also nothing to say just be happily ....
I know I cant..
but I have too...
I have to work and go office..
I have to face ppl...
I use very happy moment to talk to her..
but I have a small accident..
I beng on a girl car...
I feel very sorry to her becoz I don realise even she hon me..
Hmmm....
i keep on apologize...
At last she forgive..
thanks a lot...
my mood was damn upset..
but I have to make myself clear ,
Don take personal emotion to work...
So I fully in on my work..
today meet up my few colleague..
hmmm although everyone is older den me
but I feel fine..
i know I can use to it...
mixing new fren are good things as well..
I am the youngest boy again in a company..
aiyo..
bored le..
no young boy and girl...hmmmm
Today have a long briefing..
so tough but I have to work hard..
dono why after work so missing someone..
but I know , I cant do tat anymore..
My heart feel lose up...
but one thing I have to know..
We have to grow up...
I know I am wrong , but is unforgiveness...
haiz!!!!
accept the fact and I have to be happy..
just now out dinner wit yong yong..
talk a lot my thing...
haiz...
I been waiting for 10 pm..
but i know there are no hope...
wat the horoscope tell me are actually real..
i try my best , but the end is same result...
So i just take it the fact..
becoz I know forcing is no good ending..
hmmm
I just keep happily chat wit her...
Although there are joke..
but for me now is ,
as long she happy ,
I also will happy...
I already don wan to be wit any girl..
becoz after this i know ,
i am not mature jor...
I to over into myself and din think of my behalf feeling...
Really sorry and have to apologize..
hmmm but everything is been happen..
wat she say is , regret also no use..
1 is better than 2...
so I have to accept her decision..
As fren , have to date her out for breakfast lo..
fren ma... so boh bian lo...
sudah biasa , although is have the feeling to be together,
but wat she wan to do she will tell me straight..
I also have no comment so just make it as frens...
currently , have to work ,
everything is very stressful for me,
Argh!!!!
nowaday , many many problem happen
so I have to solve it slow slowly...
(KITZ) U can geh I know..
same as you , take care urself properly..
No one will ngam you or scold u from now on..
you are you , me are me....
To you:
Nothing I can say or do already..
I can is support u and helping when u needs.
I will be ur first 1 if u have problem..
I will stand infront u to protect u.
care u and look after you...
Although we are nothing ,
but I know tat we cant have further
but I still can do all this to you ,
becoz I still LIKE you~~~

I have somethings , but I doesnt owns it!

2010-03-24T19:10:00.000+08:00

Last night it been a terrible fight...
We argue through and through till I am mad of it...
haiz...
I cant stand it...
Hmmm... from the begining ,
she already wan to say tat 2 word..
I know it...
but just dono why she din do so..
Dono why i don feel like saying..
I already feel myself no more value already ,
priceless and no status anymore..
she din even care my feeling at all already..
Wat can I do actually???
Leave or remain...
I feel like ,
can being together but cant understand each other..
why???
lack of communication and understanding...
may be girls don really know think about guy side..
Wat a guy really need and should have...
Yea , should be fair and square..
but there should have a space ba!!!
even though come to fair and square also blank geh!!
Haiz , becoz she din even fair to me..
Dono wan how and do wat jor...
_____________________________________
Just morning wake up din go class..
din get any call or message..
I was totally upset and lying on the bed!!!
My heart turn so damn sour!!
I am so sad and speechless...
she is a stone and I am a ice!!!
She is harder den me alot!
I really raise up my white flag right now..
Is enough.. I cant stand it..
At the moment..
I feel like seperate ,
but
I was driving to interview...
I am being comfirm to work~
driving alone to somewhere I dono,
sitting the train alone to body check up!!!
I am upset and alone..
In tat moment , i reach kl..
some place which I din went before..
is totally new to me..
but wit my brave , I walk and search...
I finally found the clinic..
I have my body check up and is done..
I feel like calling her and tell the everything..
but dono I feel like , just give her a chance..
I made up a call ask the situation and talk
but I am upset ing..
When to KLCC alone...
walk all along the shop lot and made a call again..
We had an argument again...
Oh gosh...
She finally scold me up!!!
I did nothing wrong just a midunderstood..
den she start shooting me..
On tat period , i just feel like scolding her and just break it..
but
what happen to my heart and mouth..
My mind is thinking of scolding and break...
but dono why I cant speak it out...
I am still in her!!!
Oh gosh...
Hmm give her the last chance and she promise to change..
Yea I am sad..
but
wat to do????
boh bian!! the fact is not the time yet..
I still in love wit someone which normally guy cant stand it...
I know tat , there are alway a changing point if we wait!!
I know mostly are useless,
but I belive in her ....
still belive and still belive...
there are something different...
I hope the feeling I had just now won appear anymore..
becoz I am really tired to go on other girls...
I wan steady and happiness...
Do wat I can , insist wat I can...
hope the understand me , and willing to scarifice for me..
I can , I hope she also can!!
coming day , I will be very busy already..
I have no time to company anyone..
I wish the time I have , would enjoy nicely..
becoz , coming day will be a tough day for us..
I don wish to be a upset life..
I know my bad attitude very well,
but
I start to change..
becoz , working at outside and having a gf
is not easy...
everything have to think first ,
so I hope she understand me again!!
may god bless her , family and me..
All the best~~~

What has happen????

2010-03-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

I don't what has happen upon me...
I feel that everything has change so suddenly..
Why I will do so????
I don't le..
Previously I don allow to do many thing
don allow to go out or some place..
but i suddenly change my mind..
Am I getting no feel or I really change..
is it as like what lena say to me..
from sweet toward sour..
but
wat I currently feel are still okay..
am I to mad of it???
or i really understand de concept..
seeing her everyday ,
is really make me feel everything is colourful,
although there are bad feeling or sad..
but it will turn to happy as soon she smile..
day by day ,
I feel that I start to keep changing...
try to see everything more positive...
Just let go and trust onward..
I don hunger for more...
just loyal , love and care...
may be u are a special gift..
I had change much onward u..
Is there th actual reason??
or is what i feel currently...
There are many argument and misunderstood recently..
I am too tired on it already...
I should not put what I wan toward her..
haiz , so everything just let it be..
I don feel like to say a word anymore..
hope she understand me as well...
Although I am not partly of her family...
and fren too..
hahahahahahahaha
but what can I do??/
just accept lo...hehe
just make sure enjoy and appreciate each other lo...
Wat I can say is......
totally in deep in it and hope to see further..
understand each other well and have goods day...
I will the best as I can...
All the best towards myself...
hope there are something different toward it..hehehehez

something I insist , I mean it...

2010-03-23T01:39:00.000+08:00

Everything I can give way and understand..
but some time there are things which I cant give way...
Not becoz of certain things or reason..
Is what I will look toward myself and u...
I feel tat I cant forgive not becoz of tat small reason..
is just tat I don wan too...
I really don wan u to be in there..
Becoz I cant even pass through myself there..
Lucky u tell me early...
if not the ending would be very troublesome..
I not selfish or wat,
But I have my own reason...
I don wan mean I don wan...
Mostly of it can but really certain I really cant...
I don allow go club I really mean it..
Since many incident happen to my fren...
I am afraid..
Although there many safety reason...
but is still unsafe...
I can be very mean on something I have promise too...
I say I promise den I mean it...
I wan u to know tat ...
wat is my baseline...
I don wan to have arguement if
really unexpected happen..
tat time , regret also no use!!!

Today Feelings....

2010-03-21T02:16:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...
Just now night go have tea wit fren...
So long din meet up my fren..
jack , ren , keong , wai and Cha gor!! hehe
Old schoolmate..
Once a while meet them is damn happy..hehe
Dono why suddenly feel missing...
I think to long we din meet up ba..haha
Jack bring a long his gf...
Hmm is a leng lui for other ppl ,
But
I prefer my leng lui gf more!!
Suddenly feel missing and worried..
make a call toward her when receive message..
Hmmm.....
Dono why suddenly feel I am fine and cant joke again!!!
Is tat call when sad thing come occur,
Wat we do also sad ,
but
when happy things happen,
everything turn happy???
No la..
I love my GF so I do so...
Although there are many thing happen..
But
once put aside , I think is a happy moment..
Dono why I will show off my Gf and tell them..
Showing them photo and tell them about her..
I think I am deeply in it..
But many thing has happen recently..
I wish to solve but there are question mark????
Haiz!!!
suddenly feel blank again about the problem..
I feel like is gone away and I am fine back..
May be I hear about Jack had arguement just now..
he told me they argue when going back...
Coz jack lie her tat he attend class but go watch movie..
Hmm in that moment..
I suddenly feel tat I am very lucky
becoz i din lie my gf and tell her everything..
She even treat me good and nice..
Although there are behavior I don like,
But I won mad for long time...
Hmmm..
Looking at the wallet picture..
suddenly feel that , I am bit wrong toward something..
I feel to say "sorry"...
but it not allow to say it...
We 2 are tired enough...
The path we have pass through are suffer enough..
I wish to go one nicely..
I don wan to regret what I have
and Wat I was given right now...
May be I am too insist on certain matter..
becoz I wish to have a better changes..
We dono wat will happen tomorrow..
but hope to have a great day!!
We alway have nothing to say...
wat actually going on!!
I dono at all...
Hmmm.....
I have to slow down and talk nicely..
We have a good discussion before..
it good but is not enough..
I think I have to communicate more wit her..
I am tired of being cold war and cold conversation..
Phew!!!
Is around 2 am more..
i still not sleep yet..
I am not tired...
hope tomorrow when I wake up is a good day~~
Be a nice and good morning...
call up my baby and change the feeling..
Everything can be better if we understand..
good day!!
I won give up my SECOND chance!!!!