so long long long story...

Wao~~~ 
it been a long time i din update my blog liao lo~~~~
Hmmm recently really may be very busy jor me..
so i just like just can online and see my facebook
and din even touch out my blog..
Seeing i write blog mean that something really bad has happen upon me..
Yea~~ u are right ,
I really have something unhappy has happen a..
But i just don feel like mention it out what is about..
Coz I know , there are a repitation keep on happen 
if everyone of us still remain the same attitude and thinking...
HAIZ~~~~
 long time din mention this word..
may be really busy till forget...
Recently really busy until everything happen also cant rmb..
I start to stop drink less cold thing already..
I even start to drink hot tea~~
I know recently my healthy are getting worse 
N come wit that , I think I am getting some problem in my internal..
Not going for medical check up but look after my eat attitude..
I start to stop eat late and even supper...
I know that i am fat and is time to keep fit..
Previously I have gamble and lose some money..
and from there , I am wake up because gamble are not good..
I already stop gamble and not even care about wat happening...
wat am I right now?
I am changing myself toward all the previously bad attitude...
ya , i start to belive ppl say..
U need something u need to scrafice something...
hmmm , i just read one of my fb fren wall..
she write "If you love something, set it free, 
if it comes back to you, 
it is yours, 
if it doesn't it never was. 
(如果你真的喜欢什么，
给他自由吧。
如果他回到你的身边，
他就是
你的了，如果他没有回来，

他也永远不是你的了)♥ "

Ya i also wish I can do so..

but it remind one of my pass..

I don even care her single matter..

but end up , she left without telling me anything 

and she wit other guys..

Oh that really hurt deeply in my heart..

What i was doing now is a precaution to myself and my partner..

I don wan have repeatation after it...

May be she really don understand ,

but Wat I can do..

I cant blame and say anything..

becoz everything is go through understanding..

I also don wan to write much..

I know when someone really know about it..

is waken up , den everything will be a solution...

I really tired to argue or to say anything.

hope the understanding day will come..

don really hope that what we will regret toward our own choice..

coz of some matter..

She alway say nothing to talk and dono..

is that mean communication between us??

she alway say i don care her feeling or any matter??

but is she understanding about me and herself???

hmmm~~~~ now say wat also no use...

because , the problem is out ..

and We have nothing to talk until someone willing to step out..

who is it?? i dono ..

I just wan her to understand the situation ,

or she is the one to do something ...

even she dare to call me and scold and slam and end up apologies..

i think , there are a solution to keep going..

but everyone said , she is a stone and me is a stone..

I think there won have any thing to continue is remain in silence..

"In a relationship , if keep on Remain silence it just end up wit nothing.."

By kit Tan..

haiz , why this happen..

Just now finish having BBQ at colleague house..

haiz , something unhappy happens again...

I call her and we have a small chat..

suddenly she tell me something and make me very moody..

I not angry because of she cant ,

but I just angry myself why I was so excited and focus on it..

I feel that very miserable..

is just like , i was being bring up the sky ,

and suddenly fall down on the floor...

Haiz~~~

How come it alway happen..

She told me and say I am not giving her personal time..

I was like get shock , 

how come a gf will tell her bf this kind of matter..

Being a couple should be alway together , company each other

love , care and so on right..

but lastly she tell me all this is shouldnot happen..

It make myself more emotional..

I feel that , Haiz~~~~ 

I also no comment on it anymore...

MY heart suddenly feel sour and pain..

What I aspect my gf will give me is all this..

I am lonely and boring staying outside alone..

every night cant sleep well ,

and I wish the next day in the morning the one I wish to see is 

HER~~~

But she told me all those stuff..

Everything I wish her to do and wan her to be,

is really hard and just like forcing her to do..

I now only know , she don wan all this...

My heart feel painful again~~~

Previously she had problem wit her family..

She is lonely ..

I din throw her aside and keep company her..

she fight wit her sister , I an wei her and take care her...

she hungry that time i company her go eat and stay wit her..

go find her a night and talk to her everynight and make her sleep..

But

Once she is recover wit her family~~~

I feel like I am out of it anymore...

My heart start to pain again~~~

She told me she need time to company her family...

she need to do hers things~~~~

but did she think of my feeling???

did she thing of company me??

did she thing of , when she need me ,

I throw off all my things and company her...

Haiz~~~

Tonight , totally moody~~~~

I also dono wat to say to myself to make myself feel better..

My heart feel so sour and I wish to cry...

my room just left me ,

No one hear wat I say , 

no one give me opinion ,

no one ask about me~~

Having nothing because she is not here and need others more than me..

Dono why , I start to lost my happiness , start to lost everything..

I wish she more understand..

because , I had no one to communicate...

If she keep on ..

I feel like silence myself aside ,

and keep quite forever~~~~~

she won ever understand me and known me well~~

I am tired but not sleepy~~

I have to force myself to sleep..

good nitez~~

/-\ hmmm /-\

In the world , there are many people don understand about their relation..
sometime they could misunderstanding and start argue...
One of it is me myself...
I know that I have some  bad attitude..
Sometime could even misunderstanding..
but actually I just caring..
Everything is new stages for me to change..
but is needed some times to do so..
I slowly and getting know about it..
giving way is something we can maintain the relation..
understand and try to give way..
many people would say that ,
my gf is new and dono anything ,
but I willing to teach her about everything..
We have the same attitude ,
but sometime we tolerate each other..
I know that I did wrong something could make her very angry..
but after that , I would apologize that I am wrong..
but why cant She just forgive..
sometimes she make me gone mad ,
but just easily I forgive ,
not becoz I not angry ,
is just because I don wan have conflict ,
and we can be more happily..
argument is something got for future ,
but there are many bad effect below on it..
I did drop her image in her fren once..
but that time I also wish I won do that..
just the one time ,
she judge my future..
I don even dare to talk in future or past anymore
because there are many sad and sorrow stuff..
I just wanted to happily and nicely pass my life..
cant just everything pass smoothly??
freedom is starting to giving..
slowly slowly give...becoz I know I try my best..
hope it understand my feeling and what i am doing actually..
I don wan argue and fight anymore..
make everyone life so miserable...

Relax myself...

Hmm...
i think i should stop writing the story down..
becoz I would influence someone..
Just talk over only...
yesterday I din upload becoz of busy..hehe
have tea wit colleague , den go night club see girl sing song 
den chit chat...
I knew a girl there can 'le le'...
She is from china..
I was shy tat time when she wanted to talk to me..
but lastly we turn up be fren..
I talk alot about my love story to her
and she told me a lot about her family and hometown..
She seen sad when she talk about her stuff..
Sorry I din mean to ask all those..
I ask her why she wan to do such job ,
she told me that ,
when someone needs money , no matter wat job ,
someone have to do as well...
Hmmm they are quite pity as well..
but nothing I can do , just have a cheer of beer ,
and wish her good luck...
When the time I reach home..
Is already 4 am...
OMG~~~ 
What happen to me.. am I mad of it..hehe
hang till so late..
so bad that I let my mom wait me..
When I enter the house , she when out and ask me..
Why so late !! sorry mom..
I though u all slept, sorry...hehe
__________________________________________
So funny thing happen...
Once of my colleague know me is single ,
and one of my ex know me is single..
What they told me is something make me suprise..hehe
They say how come ,
Ur gf look so guai lui and Ting hua de...
WOn do this de lo.. Is it u fly people..hehe
I just laugh back and say nothing la...
Everything will be fine..
but everything is end already..hehe
She is good , guai ad ting hua de a..
everyone is right , just I am not the one only ma..hehe
I have curiousity and naughty de..hehe
But ,
all this is past lo..
Don really put in heart la..
She will have better and be more better..
She is much more better den wat I think of her..
hehe..
All the best to her again lo..
Feel better saying out something ,
but feel more better is she know wat I am saying..hehe
_________________________________________
Today , is a busy day...
and all the time are busy..
happy , emo and funky..hehe
have tea wit my bro ...
Dono why suddenly feel need love and need someone to care..
need someone to scold and say me...
but , don have lo..
so scold myself..hehe
sei chun~~~~ hahahahaha
Aright , 
tomorrow will be my holiday..
I will going to Langkawi now...
Wait for me ya..
Have to fetch my fren ,
go to office send up everything , 
reach home get my stuff ready..
and go for it..yeah~~~~~
I love holiday I love sea 
I love girl I love joy
and most important
I Love SUN~~~~
I will be the sunny boy there..hehe
All night craping only at here...haha
Good nitez and sweet dream..

putting her down day 4

Today already the forth day..
N is mothers day...
I am going to treat my mom and family eat..
OMG~~~
They eat up me Rm180 ..
but is okay la...
Just once awhile only... so let it be ba..
Everyone is so happy and talk a lot..
So long we din communicate already..
today is my 'family day'...
muahahahahaha..
My mom suddenly ask me a very tough question..
She ask me , 
Am I serious with that girl???
I was like , OMG~~~
Mom , how come u will ask this kind of question..
Den ask me show her...
but I think my mom start to like her..
previously my mom don even ask and keep disagree 
me to dating..
cant imagine she will say such thing to me today..
I was very happy my mom have accept her..
But..
1 thing very important I din say to them..
We are separated since the last time she visit my house..
I don wan to tell them becoz I don wan them to worried me..
My mom love me a lot
and care me a lot..
I don wan her becoz of my matter ,
it effect her and need her to take care me..
I just have to keep in my heart ...
I just keep quite only..hehe
Just now at outside..
chat wit my neighbor which is my college mate as well..
We talk about rent house ,
go out know fren and about our love story..
Although I don have ,
but I can share some of my previous one..
He even told me a lot of his gf stuff..
I am bit jealous jor...hehe
Her gf is good to her..
pretty as well and nice..
he is a lucky boy man...hehe
Even wit that , 
Previously my love one even good to me,
pretty and beauty to me..
I even feel statify of having her..
but many thing is not up to my choice..
just stand behind and see everything lo...
Heard a song today..
is nice..
sang  by 

梁文音

'哭過就好了'

Is really nice~~~
one part in the MV told me is totally touching..
it recall me deeply in toward her..
she alway don say no , not because she don wan  ,
Is because she love me.
she don angry not because she don have angriness,
is because she love me .
she don cry in front of me not because she don have tears,
is because she she love me and don wan me to worried..
Once I saw and recall it...
I remember the time she cry in front of me ,
and all that she do it to me..
My heart was deeply sour right now..
and I should sleep ...
good nitez...

putting her down day 3

Today ,
wake up in the morning and go to work..
Though should be a exciting place for me to travel,
but actually not..
Have dim sum at connaught den go straight to klang..
hehe~~~
When the time reach there is totally lame and boring...
No customer at all..hurm~~~
just have gathering and talks about ghost story..
den go shopping when the event ends...
I bought CROCS shoe and some small stuff..
Is wearing to langkawi soon..hehe
____________________________________________
Hmmm , today still remaining the same feeling again..
At the event that time ,
have a small chat wit shito..
Hurmm~~~ is some interesting story
and bout his love story..
Is totally nice and sweet..
Jealousy man...
Just now have tea wit brothers..
Tension and stress again...
after tea , I at parking talk a lot wit jack..
He really lend me his ear,
even an wei me as well..
Thanks..
I even causes her have a bit conflict wit his gf,
becoz his gf call him and wan to talk to him becoz she is down.
opps~~~ me cause him in trouble..
hurm , tells him everything which happen upon me..
dono why the feeling cannot being throw away..
The more I wan to throw , the more is stay harder..
Is deeply and full force on focusing her ,
so the feel is there...
every time I hold the phone ,
I was like wanted to call or wait to receive a call..
but is never rang..
Dono why , 
I still will jealous on certain matter..
cant just look it over..
she seen like wrote a lot of thing towards me...
That show may be I have did something wrong again...
May be I am a hard and she is hard too..
when we bang together..
is hurting each of us..
May be I am not as good as others,
but I wish one day she could understand..
dono why , suddenly feel that I would like to wishing her..
Even support on her work and everything..
Actually what I wanted to put down is actually nothing..
seeing her so happy can go out gathering wit fren ,
seeing her business is good ,
seeing her shop wit fren and plan to hanging out,
I was like totally happy on her as long she happy..
Dono why , I don feel like rejecting or unhappy anymore..
and dono why I feel she will know what she is doing..
Dono why I feel that she will take care herself from that moment..
Now , i alway feel afraid I will do or say wrong things..
So I will thinking deeply first before it..
Some times saw she like facing some problem,
I would send her a message and tell her,
there are someone behind her which care and support..
even though is nothing to her , but it mean a lot to me..
may be she really decide to leave me alone,
but I still there look after her..
Is she as hard as a stone just leave me aside..
don even send or call me..
Is really a hard feeling ,
but I know , I have to accept 
and respect on her..
Although every time feel like putting down ,
but is really really something which challenge me..
I am afraid , this will stay wit me more and more...
Good Nitez and sweet dream...

Putting her down day 2

today wake up at 9 10 am,
i am totally tired because last night sleep at 3 something..
hmmm is a tired day..
I went to klang to set up counter..
den I do my own stuff..
____________________________________________
today still remain the same feeling..
Toward myself..
still will boring and moody life..
Dono why nowadays everything are keep on changing..
I don dare to care about any personal stuff 
or even control or 8 about others..
hmmm
Something recall me back again..
This morning I wit colleague when to eat breakfast..
They order a bow of red bean soup..
RED BEAN soup remind me something back..
Once ,
I was argue wit her at the car about something..
She was upset and feel like crying...
she told me she wan to drink red bean den the she will happy..
That moment I was lying her that don have.
but what I am doing is think where are selling..
All the way we keep quite..
Till I reach Taman Midah , There are selling red bean soup..
She ask me what i am doing ,
at first I don wan to tell , but lastly I told her..
She was totally happy and laugh wit joy..
My feeling was so happy and happy..
but there are no such chances anymore..
At the evening..
Jessie ask me to go Kim Gary..
it recall back something again..
It was the time she date me out to shopping,
that she wanted to buy shoe and shirt..
We have lunch at Kim Gary as well..
I remember she order a set of cheese rice,
fries and coke wit lemon...
She cant finish the food , and told me not to let her order next time..
I was keep smiling when I recall it back..
She like to wasted food ,
but the way she tell me are totally funny and lovely..
It remind me the way she eat ,
the way she react ,
and the thing we discuss..
hmmm ~~~ 
but all this are turning to memoris..
Dono why , every time I went to a place that
we went before it alway remind me something...
no matter where I go , no matter where I am..
there are a lot of memoris came along..
The day I work at Ikano ,
when I go toward Cineleisure ,
Is the place we first hold hand together and snap photo..
anywhere anytime , there are something around me..
Even at office , it remind me call her constantly..
Hurm~~~~
Wanted to put down something is not as easy as I think..
wan someone happy is not as easy as I wan..
There are many things which I don accept ,
but I have to accept it..
I heard 2 something in a time...
没那么简单 and 外面的世界..
The first song alway tell me ,
everything is not as easy as we alway thinks..
just like the first time we together ,
the first time we were separate ,
the second time we together,
the second time we separate,
the third time we together,
and then third time we separate..
all are the path way we have been together..
second song told me about ,
once we have each other..
and
When 1 day she really understand the world outside ,
den she really will understand me more than now..
I not mature as I am ,
but I am as caring as someone parent...
The world are colorful ,
the world have many things,
but when she have seen everything ,
the time she wan to return , 
I will the one which waiting her return , 
and come back toward me..
Is may be a long path for us right now..
or may be there are no such way anymore..
The feeling is here , the available of me are here...
The door are alway waiting for her..
Good nitez..